We are happy to celebrate this momentous occasion in your life. God has called you both to this vocation of marriage. Thank you for sharing your vocation of marriage with Holy Name of Mary Church, Saint Charles Borromeo Church and St. Vincent de Paul. These guidelines are meant to assist you in understanding the theology and purpose of the Order for Celebrating Marriage in the Roman Catholic Church.
In 1969, the Marriage Rite was revised and is currently under a second revision. In 1990, a second edition was promulgated in Latin and approval of the English edition is pending. Meanwhile, these notes will help our parish in developing your marriage ceremony, in collaboration with you, while respecting church guidelines.
Marriage is a sacrament where you, the couple, are the ministers of the sacrament. It is also a church event. You, as members of the Roman Catholic Communities of Holy Name of Mary, Saint Charles Borromeo and St. Vincent de Paul, are part of the larger Catholic Church and tradition. We, as a parish community, are here to help you in preparing for Christian marriage and provide for you several ministries and services to assist you.
Assisting Ministries
A priest or deacon will be assigned from the parish to walk with you through the preparation of the Sacrament of Marriage.
Canon law requires that you both attend a Marriage Preparation course. This course is offered Spring and Fall of each year. Registration forms with time and dates are available through the parish office.
Please meet with the priest or deacon before you hire a wedding coordinator. One is not needed for the church.
If you are planning to have a priest or deacon, relative or friend witness your marriage vows, a copy of these guidelines will be mailed to him or you may inform them that they are available on the website of the parish. Please give the priest or deacon’s name, address and phone number three months in advance to the office. Permission for a visiting clergy member to witness your marriage is necessary by church law as well as receiving permission from the Archbishop of Kingston. The pastor is authorized to grant permission to the visiting clergy witness. The Archbishop must approve who may celebrate sacraments in the Archdiocese.
A sacristan will still be available during your wedding to open the church, set up and insure that there are the appropriate vessels and items for your marriage ceremony.
The liturgy is the primary way we celebrate your marriage. We have priest presiders who will officiate your marriage. You will obtain the proper legal papers from the city and province [marriage license], but the priest will assist you with the following during three required appointments:
➢ Obtain your Baptismal certificate;
➢ Obtains two (2) affidavits, per person, that you are free to marry in the Roman Catholic Church
➢ Provide you with an overview of the meaning and theology of marriage in the Roman Catholic tradition;
➢ Review the marriage readiness assessment "FOCCUS";
➢ Set a date & time for the rehearsal and marriage;
➢ Review the official Catholic Church’s Rite of Marriage;
➢ Discuss and plan your marriage service/liturgy;
➢ Remind the couple to get the license;
➢ Review the rehearsal and placement of family members and wedding party
➢ Witness your marriage;
Also, if one of the parities is a non-Catholic, a dispensation from the Archbishop is required and the priest or deacon will explain and fill out this paper work with you.
Our clustered parishes are proud of celebrating the rituals meaningfully. The parish provides music ministers that you will pay directly. They have been formed in the appropriate music for a Roman Catholic wedding. They are present to support the ritual and insure that our equipment is in working order. If there are particular hymns or songs from the church music books that you would like to request, please let your deacon or priest know. Please review the addendum for music selections that are used at each of our clustered parishes. You may wish for someone from your family to sing; this occurs in the prelude music or postlude music.
We ask you to think of parishioners or family members who may proclaim the Word of God well and be a lector for your liturgy. You may choose one or two readings and have a different person read each. A booklet (Together for Life) will be given to you to choose readings and intercessions that you feel reflect your beliefs about Christian marriage. Additionally, someone should be chosen to read the "Prayers of the Faithful/General Intercessions" or petitions.
The parish cantor will sing the Psalm. You may choose a particular one contained in the preparatory wedding guide (Together for Life).
We ask that you choose ushers to greet your guests. During the rehearsal they will be instructed as to other ways they may be of service, such as opening and closing doors, taking a collection for a cause that you may wish to have your guests support, etc. We invite you to consider having your guests seated anywhere in the church, rather than being selective by sitting on the bride's or groom's side: we come to celebrate you as a couple and should not have to make a decision about whose side we support.
A cross bearer and altar server(s) will assist the priest in the ritual. Let us know if you have a specific server in mind; otherwise, we will schedule servers to help us.
If you will have a Wedding Mass, choose two or three people to bring up the bread and wine (and possible collection) during the Preparation of the Gifts and Altar. Also, extraordinary ministers of Holy Communion (at least 2) will assist with the distribution of communion. Let us know of particular parishioners or guests who are commissioned as communion ministers that you would like to serve in this ministry during your wedding.
Preparation
All couples are required to attend a wedding preparation retreat called "Pre-Marriage course." As mentioned above, the course is available Spring and Fall. The Archdiocese of Kingston publishes in their official newspaper “The Journey”, other opportunities or weekend retreats throughout the year for you to explore your relationship in this spiritual setting. It is weekend experience for you to deepen your commitment to each other and mandatory. A certificate will be given to you upon completion.
➢ During the retreat and after, you, your sponsor couple and the clergy member will:
➢ Gain an overview of the process to getting married;
➢ See if you, the couple, is able to agree to these guidelines;
➢ And to determine whether this setting is appropriate for the way you wish to celebrate your marriage.
We as members of our clustered parishes highly value the principles and theology in the Rite of Marriage and maintains these standards. You may feel that these are not appropriate for your wedding. If this is the case, we invite you to choose another parish that has different expectations.
Planning and preparing a wedding takes time. Please contact the parish office six months before your proposed date for marriage. After all of the initial preparation [Pre-Marriage Weekend or FOCCUS assessment and interviews with the clergy], the priest or deacon will assess if there is a readiness for marriage and, with the couple, choose a specific date six months in advance to put the date on the parish calendar.
Please note that relatives or friends may insist on certain items or ceremonies, either in the months during your preparation, at the rehearsal or during the actual wedding day. The priest or deacon will guide you through the process and affirm your choices; the priest, deacon, sacristan or his delegate will coordinate the rehearsal and make the final decisions.
Ritual Notes
The vocation of marriage flows from your baptismal commitment and your service to Christ and the church.
As a reminder of your discipleship in the Lord and baptism, a Sprinkling Rite may be celebrated during the Introductory Rites. Marriage continues the covenant relationship with God and celebrates the new covenant that you will share from this sacrament until you part. This sacrament helps you in growing in holiness.
Weddings are not normally celebrated, except for a pastoral emergency, during Advent and Lent. These preparatory seasons of the church year help us focus on other elements of Christian life that are different from themes of the sacrament of marriage.
Since the couple is the primary symbol and the ministers of the sacrament, they will be seated in front of the altar.
All will show reverence and respect to the sacred symbols of the church (altar, tabernacle, cross, ambo, baptismal font, etc.) by customary bows or genuflections. Smoking, mobile phones and gum chewing are inappropriate for the church premises. Additionally baseball caps, cowboy hats, T-shirts with messages or other inappropriate items for church may not be worn on the premises, either for the rehearsal or at the wedding ceremony. Appropriate dress is expected at the wedding, and for the rehearsal, with long pants or skirts, shirts or blouses and shoes. Additionally, proper reverence and behavior for church is expected.
We appreciate maintaining the proper cleanliness for the church and grounds. All items that you bring (flower or tux wrappers, pins, etc.) are taken with you when you leave. A vacuum cleaner is available to all parties who need to tidy-up after a service.
If you wish, a special ritual program guide will be prepared by the parish staff for your wedding liturgy. Two weeks before the ceremony please give a detailed listing of your wedding party and family members so that we may include them in the program.
PASTORAL NOTES
Donations & Fees
There are many expenses involved in running a parish and in the preparation of your marriage. Those needing special financial assistance are asked to discuss this with the priest. Your minimum donation is broken down to the following expenses:
➢ Musician fee will be discussed personally with them (cheques are made out in their names.)
➢ $200.00 suggested donation for the use of the church.
➢ $10.00 for each altar server (2 or 3 for a Mass; 1 for without a Mass)
➢ Again, if you wish a wedding program guide (which includes the words to the music for the ritual, and the names of your family and wedding party), please add $50.00 to your donation.
Non-parishioners are welcome to celebrate the Rite of Marriage, in the Catholic tradition after an initial interview with the pastor. This is up to the pastor’s discretion – and normally, non-parishioners weddings are not done at our clustered parishes due to the busy parish schedules.
A donation of $250.00 for non-parishioners is requested for use of the church and facilities – in two installments – during the first meeting with the priest or deacon and the second during the second meeting. Additionally, your own pastor must give permission for the clergy of the local parish to witness the marriage. This written permission must be received 3 months before the wedding.
Safety & Sacred Concerns
For the safety of you and your guests, no objects (such as rice, flowers, confetti and bird seed) may be thrown on the premises, either in church or outside. Additionally, no additional flooring (runners, carpet, wood planks, etc.) may be laid on the surface.
Photography and videographer(s) are permitted. A special reserved place will be shown to the photographer and videographer. It is extremely important for us to maintain reverence and respect to you and this sacred ritual. Please inform the priest as to your preference when you set up your rehearsal time.
No animals, insects or other objects may be released on the premises.
The “unity candle” is permitted, but should be discussed with the pastor. In addition the Easter or Paschal candle, as a symbol of Christ, may be used during the Rite of Marriage. Please let the clergy know if you wish to have it lit.
Music Notes
Our music ministers will choose appropriate music for you at specific times during the liturgy, before (preludes), entrance of guests and the wedding party. We ask you to meet with them, to select together the appropriate church songs.
The Roman Catholic Church and its Congregation for Divine Worship of the Sacraments in 1971 issued a document forbidding the use of R. Wagner's “Lohengrin,” or as most know it, “Here Comes the Bride.” This piece of music may not be used because it comes from an opera that is contrary to the values and theology of marriage. Also the Order for Celebrating Marriage expects that there will be an entrance song, uniting the congregation in the rite, as is done at Sunday and weekday Eucharists.
There are three different rites in the Order for Celebrating Marriage, divided into two different categories: the Rite within a Mass and the Rite of Marriage Outside of Mass. Traditionally, two Catholics marrying may request a Eucharist or Mass with the Rite of Marriage. However, couples do not have to feel pressured to have Eucharist and the Rite of Marriage. A Catholic marrying a non-Catholic celebrates the “Rite of Marriage Outside of Mass”.
The Roman Catholic Order for Celebrating Marriage states that the couple enters into marriage together and symbolizes this by having the bride and groom process in together at the beginning of the marriage (optional) (See paragraphs 20 and 21). Parents may also join you in this procession with the other ministers (lectors, servers, etc.) and wedding party.
Choosing a Time for the Celebration
You are part of our parish community and we would like to have as many of our parishioners present to celebrate this wonderful occasion in your life. We will publish an announcement of your marriage in our parish bulletin if you request.
The “Blessing of an Engaged Couple,” in the Book of Blessings of the Roman Ritual, is celebrated after the priest decides your readiness for marriage and may be done at one of the weekend Masses of your choosing (optional).
Because of our weekend Mass schedule, weddings are celebrated on Saturdays no later than 3 p.m. Other days are available, except Sundays.
Again, weddings are not done during Advent and Lent to maintain the solemnity of those liturgical seasons.
Conclusion & Signature of Acknowledgment
We hope that these notes and guidelines have been helpful to you as you consider choosing one of our parishes to celebrate the Sacrament of Marriage.
Recommended Wedding Music Selections
1. All Creatures of Our God & King 2. All Peoples of our God and King 3. Amazing Grace 4. Eye has Not Seen 5. For the Beauty of the Earth 6. Glory and Praise to our God 7. Hear us Now Our God and Father 8. How Great Thou Art 9. I Have Loved You 10. In Perfect Charity 11. I Will Praise You (Ps. 145) 12. Joyful, Joyful We Adore Thee 13. The Lord Is Kind and Merciful (Ps. 103) 14. Lord of All Hopefulness 15. Love Divine, All Loves Excelling 16. Loving and Forgiving 17. Hosea 18. My Soul Rejoices 19. Our Blessing Cup 20. Pan de Vida 21. Praise God from whom All Blessings Flow 22. Praise the Lord, Ye Heav's Adore Him 23. Praise to the Lord 24. Sing a New Song 25. Songs of Thankfulness and Praise 26. Taste and See (Ps. 34) 27. This Day God Gives Me 28. This Day was Made by the Lord 29. This is the Day 30. Ubi Caritas (Taize) 31. We Praise You, O Lord 32. When We Eat This Bread 33. Where There is Love 34. We Have Been Told 35. Wherever You Go
Other Notes
Vocal or instrumental solos are appropriate at the Presentation of the Gifts, But not at communion, when all should sing a Communion Hymn. The full set of ritual music, when there is a Mass (i.e. Sanctus, Amen, etc.) will be sung.
